just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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