I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
