I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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