i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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