Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
