I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
