hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
