we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
