I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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