when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
