I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
