Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
