Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
