the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
how does that bad decision feel?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
