Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
