I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
