Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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