Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
