just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
