After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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