Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
