last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
