My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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