there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
