non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
