It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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