yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
