I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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