So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
