do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
