Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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