This is not my ceiling
i barfeds in our rink
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
