All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I smell stomach acid.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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