I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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