Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
