eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
