capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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