We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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