The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
