We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
