Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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