that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
