He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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