when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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