I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
