He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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