Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
