wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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