My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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