he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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