All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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