my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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