I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
