And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
