I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Shame is for Republicans.
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