Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
