He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
