They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
