Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
