playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
